Friday, October 2, 2015

My Own Paper Towns

I just read Paper Towns in this my unproductive days. Well, at least I have something to do. And here is some paragraphs from the book that I remember and I'd like to share.


“Listen, kid. This is what happens: somebody—girl usually— got a free spirit, doesn’t get on too good with her parents. These kids, they’re like tied-down helium balloons. They strain against the string and strain against it, and then something happens, and that string gets cut, and they just float away. And maybe you never see the balloon again. It lands in Canada or somethin’, gets work at a restaurant, and before the balloon even notices, it’s been pouring coffee in that same diner to the same sad bastards for thirty years. Or maybe three or four years from now, or three or four days from now, the prevailing winds take the balloon back home, because it needs money, or it sobered up, or it misses its kid brother. But listen, kid, that string gets cut all the time.”
“Yeah, bu—” 
“I’m not finished, kid. The thing about these balloons is that there are so goddamned many of them. The sky is choked full of them, rubbing up against one another as they float to here or from there, and every one of those damned balloons ends up on my desk one way or another, and after a while a man can get discouraged. Everywhere the balloons, and each of them with a mother or a father, or God forbid both, and after a while, you can’t even see ’em individually. You look up at all the balloons in the sky and you can see all of the balloons, but you cannot see any one balloon.” He paused then, and inhaled sharply, as if he was realizing something. “But then every now and again you talk to some big-eyed kid with too much hair for his head and you want to lie to him because he seems like a good kid. And you
feel bad for this kid, because the only thing worse than the skyful of balloons you see is what he sees: a clear blue day interrupted by just the one balloon. But once that string gets cut, kid, you can’t uncut it. Do you get what I’m saying?”
I nodded, although I wasn’t sure I did understand. He stood up. “I do think she’ll be back soon, kid. If that helps.”
I liked the image of Margo as a balloon, but I figured that in his urge for the poetic, the detective had seen more worry in me than the pang I’d actually felt. I knew she’d be back. She’d deflate and float back to Jefferson Park. She always had."


And finally. Margo as a balloon ended at the Paper Towns.
Then maybe. Someday. I'll be a balloon that float. I don't know where I'll float away. Maybe it's somewhere, or maybe someone, or maybe something. Nobody knows. Even myself.

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

A Letter to A Lover

If you are going to leave me someday, I wouldn't know how to handle it. I know that I can live without you before you came, but since you take something the most important from me, my heart, I wouldn't know how to heal my self after you throw me away.
Like what Demi say on her song:
"Baby I just ran out of band-aids
I don't even know where to start
'Cause you can bandage the damage
You never really can fix a heart"
Or like Taylor write on her song:
"Band-aids don't fix bullet holes"
Well, the holes is in here. In my heart.


If one day, you are already tired and start to hate me or even thinking that I don't love that MUCH, just remember:
The way I look into your beautiful eyes.
Can you see how much I love you by seeing my eyes staring into yours?

How a simple thing can make me smile.
Even silly things that you do in the car, or how you play with your facial expression can make me smile even laugh.

How I can transform into the one that's not really me in a good way.
I'm clumsy, awkward, and not really into girls thingy person. I'm sure you know me, right? But, I can prepare your food, even cook for you, make or bake something for you, or even feeding you like a baby.

The way tears fall into my cheek. When we have a fight.
I'm not a sensitive person. But, you can make me cry easily. Not because you are a mean person. But because I can't even thinking about living my life without you. 

Just think about my face, my voice, the way I touch you, the way I hug you, whenever it can't fix your heart and your feeling, you are already reach your limit.


Whenever I miss you, or I'm not in a good mood, I can think about these things below, and can get back into my mood and smile from eat to ear:
The way you eat your food

The way you get excited about something (your face will get really cute!)

The way you hold my hands at the mall

The way you play with my hair when I do something stupid

The way you treat me like a child whenever I act like a child

The way you get panicked and take care of me when I get sick

The way you smile when you look my face. I feel so blessed. I feel so lucky. It's like I'm very priceless to you. It's way too greater than any gift I can imagine.

The way you smoke your cigarette

The way you kiss me in my forehead in the middle of the crowd (and you don't care about what people think)

The way you talk to me

The way you hug me. Your body temperature, your skin softness, your smell. Oh, these things really can make me smile happily and forget about our problem cause I'm afraid I can't feel it no more;

and there are still alot of things but I can't think about it for now. 

Just remember,
whenever you want to leave,
I'll fall into my worst, if you care of me, you won't leave; but,
if you have to ...
leave me alone
don't leave anything, don't ruin anything
don't change anything, make sure that the only thing that will be changed is ... it's me the one whom have to survive without you
don't said anything that can make my life getting worse, because loosing you already make my life into pieces.

Your annoying girl that gonna miss you like ... HELL!,